Dear Sabby,
I’m a 22 year old girl who met a guy online 4 years ago and became best friends with him. Two years later, we are in love. We talk on the phone and webcam all the time and I love him to death. However I never really felt like he was mine. I strongly believe in destiny and that things happen if they’re really meant to be. This guy is the air I breathe. He’s everything to me. He lives in my home country. I haven’t been able to visit the place because I was broke as hell trying to pay for school and everything.

I can’t tell my parents about him because lets face it that’s a very odd story. The culture that I’m from doesn’t even allow having boyfriends. My parents have been trying to get me to get to know guys and marry them the old fashioned way. Basically they introduce you to someone and you guys start dating with their knowledge then if you’re compatible and fall in love you get married. However, they’d never accept the man I’m with. Based on their way of thinking, I know they’d think he’s too young and just wants me for the papers. I know this guy like the back of my hand and he truly loves me for who I am. He is my best friend.

I tried to break up with him a million times because I knew we could never be. But somehow we just kept on going back together. It’s like I’m addicted to him. He’s the shoulder I cry on and always supporting me in everything I do. I’m also done paying back my loans and I want to go to my home country this december and see my boyfriend for the first time and introduce him to my parents and hopefully get engaged. A few weeks ago, my parents talked about introducing me to this guy for marriage. I refused all the ones before him and it caused me a lot of tears, depression and headaches.

This time, I decided to play their game, pretend I’m intested and pretend like I actually gave the guy a chance and then tell me it just didn’t work out. However this guy now likes me and I’m putting a wall between us so that I don’t fall for him. I feel like I’m cheating him and my boyfriend even though my boyfriend is well aware of the situation. I cannot get married without my parents blessings and they know this guy and I know they’ll agree to me marrying him. I’m trying to look at the big picture here. This new guy and I are very compatible and view life similarily. If I could make a list of all that I want in a man, he’d be the incarnation of that. However I have strong feelings for someone who understands me.

- Chikita

Arranged marriages to me are just weird. My parents tried to find me boyfriends they liked all the time when I was your age and younger. I really think it’s their odd way of protecting us because they aren’t ready to let go and let you make mistakes. You’re young yet and believe me, you’re going to make mistakes and this guy may very well be one of them.

You have a lot to consider. First off, you sound like your culture is important to you since you said you cannot get married without your parent’s blessing. Obviously if you live in the United States (which I’m assuming you do since you have such good English) and you have every right to marry whoever you want at your age without the permission from your family. So clearly, it’s a cultural thing for you.

I’ve met a lot of people online – both friends and boyfriends. It can be a good thing… and it can also be a really bad thing. This guy could be a axe murderer or something crazy. Maybe he really is in it for the papers. Who knows. When someone wants in this country bad enough, they really do crazy shit like this. I give him props though.. four years is a long time. Hell, I give you props too because surviving 4 whole years of a long distance relationship is just plain crazy.

I love how you said your parents would think he was too young. What about you? Darlin’ I think you are too young as well for all of this. But it sounds like you have a nice guy near by worth looking into. Is it possible that you are so hung up on this long distance guy that you aren’t giving this new one a fair chance?

Yeah, yeah.. I know you’re in love with your online boyfriend and you probably wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings even if you did find someone else, but come on… you are only 22 and you’ve been with this online guy since you were like 18 years old! Get out and live a little. Take a chance on this new guy. At least if you find out you don’t like him, you won’t have spent thousands of dollars flying around the world, eloping and ending with a funky divorce.