Dear Sabby,

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost a year now. We’ve gone up and down but still manage to be head over heels with each other. Now.. He used to go out all night and party all the time. In fact only until recently when I left him and tried dating someone else did it stop. One night I just couldn’t take it anymore he was at some foam party where all of his friends were talking about hooking up with slutty girls. I expressed to him that I just felt a little uneasy about it, just to be open and honest. He said he would call me and not to worry about anything, so honestly I didn’t.

Long story short again he never called me until I called him late that night.  He was trashed and cussing me out and calling me names. At this point I had had it so I broke up with him and decided to date someone that had been asking me for quite some time. Me and new guy went on a date waaay too soon, got waaay to drunk and hooked up. Then my boyfriend called wanting to get back together bla bla bla. We did and I realized I had made a mistake with this new guy, so I confessed what had happened. He was hurt and got really upset. He told me that he really loved our sex and that he felt it was more than just sex to him. He said that he never would just hook up with someone that easy regardless if we were dating or not (I know I acted risqué) and that I had betrayed him.

Honestly ever since I went out on that date he’s been the best boyfriend ever. He calls me just to tell me he loves me all the time, we see each other a lot, and we’ve almost completely stopped fighting. But god he will NOT have sex with me anymore. Its been almost two months and he just will not have sex with me. I’m dying here! I’m 21 so sex is a big part of my life, especially with and only with the one I love. It makes me very upset to have not have had that kind of intimacy with him for so long. I’m not ugly by any means, I do very sexy things for him, I’m not dirty, I never yell at him, I rub his whole body down after he gets off work and he loves it; I just don’t understand.

I’m a hott girlfriend! I have to keep telling myself that because his lack of lust after me makes me feel not so hott. I’ve already talked to him a couple times about it and he just says it’s because of my mistake and that its hard for him to have sex when he knows someone else had it with me. It’s just really throwing me off because he really isn’t that much of an emotional guy, he never shows emotion and says he just doesn’t really have many. This whole thing is really really getting to me, I don’t feel sexy, or wanted.  I’m just wondering if you think this can be fixed, or maybe if he’s not telling me really what’s going on. Please help!!

- Olivia

Other advice columns would immediately tell you “If he’s not having sex with you, it’s because he’s having sex with someone else.” I typically try to stay away from that answer because I think it’s a garbage response, but the more I read over your story, the more I wonder if that’s the case here.

When a guy feels threatened – either by you possibly leaving him or because of another guy, they usually default to loving boyfriend mode. They do this to earn you back and it doesn’t usually last very long. So be aware that his calling you and all of his lovey dovey antics may soon stop. Think of the very start of your relationship and how perfect and happy it was. Now remember that the honeymoon phase eventually ended and turned into the fighting and crap you just went through.

Far as the sex goes… or the lack thereof… It could be a number of things. He could very well be getting ass from someone else. It would also explain him being sweet and being extra careful about calling in. But again, I just really don’t like that answer. I don’t want you to be all paranoid that he’s cheating on you. So you need to ask yourself – besides the fight and you hooking up with another guy, what’s changed? And I don’t just mean with your relationship. I’m talking family, bills, his job? Stress could very easily be the reason for him not having sex with you.

But still… I just can’t help but think he’s getting sex from someone else.