Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Dear Sabby,

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for almost a year now. We’ve gone up and down but still manage to be head over heels with each other. Now.. He used to go out all night and party all the time. In fact only until recently when I left him and tried dating someone else did it stop. One night I just couldn’t take it anymore he was at some foam party where all of his friends were talking about hooking up with slutty girls. I expressed to him that I just felt a little uneasy about it, just to be open and honest. He said he would call me and not to worry about anything, so honestly I didn’t.

Long story short again he never called me until I called him late that night.  He was trashed and cussing me out and calling me names. At this point I had had it so I broke up with him and decided to date someone that had been asking me for quite some time. Me and new guy went on a date waaay too soon, got waaay to drunk and hooked up. Then my boyfriend called wanting to get back together bla bla bla. We did and I realized I had made a mistake with this new guy, so I confessed what had happened. He was hurt and got really upset. He told me that he really loved our sex and that he felt it was more than just sex to him. He said that he never would just hook up with someone that easy regardless if we were dating or not (I know I acted risqué) and that I had betrayed him.

Honestly ever since I went out on that date he’s been the best boyfriend ever. He calls me just to tell me he loves me all the time, we see each other a lot, and we’ve almost completely stopped fighting. But god he will NOT have sex with me anymore. Its been almost two months and he just will not have sex with me. I’m dying here! I’m 21 so sex is a big part of my life, especially with and only with the one I love. It makes me very upset to have not have had that kind of intimacy with him for so long. I’m not ugly by any means, I do very sexy things for him, I’m not dirty, I never yell at him, I rub his whole body down after he gets off work and he loves it; I just don’t understand.

I’m a hott girlfriend! I have to keep telling myself that because his lack of lust after me makes me feel not so hott. I’ve already talked to him a couple times about it and he just says it’s because of my mistake and that its hard for him to have sex when he knows someone else had it with me. It’s just really throwing me off because he really isn’t that much of an emotional guy, he never shows emotion and says he just doesn’t really have many. This whole thing is really really getting to me, I don’t feel sexy, or wanted.  I’m just wondering if you think this can be fixed, or maybe if he’s not telling me really what’s going on. Please help!!

- Olivia

Other advice columns would immediately tell you “If he’s not having sex with you, it’s because he’s having sex with someone else.” I typically try to stay away from that answer because I think it’s a garbage response, but the more I read over your story, the more I wonder if that’s the case here.

When a guy feels threatened – either by you possibly leaving him or because of another guy, they usually default to loving boyfriend mode. They do this to earn you back and it doesn’t usually last very long. So be aware that his calling you and all of his lovey dovey antics may soon stop. Think of the very start of your relationship and how perfect and happy it was. Now remember that the honeymoon phase eventually ended and turned into the fighting and crap you just went through.

Far as the sex goes… or the lack thereof… It could be a number of things. He could very well be getting ass from someone else. It would also explain him being sweet and being extra careful about calling in. But again, I just really don’t like that answer. I don’t want you to be all paranoid that he’s cheating on you. So you need to ask yourself – besides the fight and you hooking up with another guy, what’s changed? And I don’t just mean with your relationship. I’m talking family, bills, his job? Stress could very easily be the reason for him not having sex with you.

But still… I just can’t help but think he’s getting sex from someone else.

Sabby, I met this incredible woman. She’s everything a guy could ask for and then a whole bunch of stuff you know not to ask for, but hope for anyways. I think she’s interested in me and I’m definitely interested in her. The catch is, she’s married. I’ve heard around the office that she’s going through a divorce. Would it be inappropriate to express my interest in her and how do I do that?

David – California

I don’t even know where to begin. There are so many things wrong with this story.

Okay, okay. First off David… this woman is married. Sure, there are rumors that she won’t be for long but that’s why they are rumors. If she’s still got a ring on her finger, just stay away from her. You could totally make an ass of yourself and worse you could get fired for making advances on a married woman you work with.

Now wouldn’t that suck?

Secondly, you never date someone you work with. Don’t you watch movies David? No? Well go find yourself a non-married woman and take her on a date to the movies. Maybe you’ll learn a thing or two.

P.S. Thank you for being my first male reader. Don’t you feel special.

Dear Sabby,

I’m 25 years old and all of my friends are about the same age give or take a few years and every damn one of them are married. I don’t know how I should feel about this. In a way, I’m jealous because they all seem really happy and I just don’t quite fit into their world of marriage. I could use your wisdom on this one.

Nicole – California

Oh my dear Nicole. I can see how it it could be frustrating to be the single friend amongst a group of other ladies your age who are all happily married – probably to great men who make decent money and satisfy them every night as you sit alone at home with your cat eating Ben & Jerry’s while watching sappy movies on the Oxygen channel.

Oh shit, I’m supposed to be making you feel better about this, aren’t I…

Let’s be real. You’re only 25. You have many, many, many, many years ahead of you to fall in love with a guy and marry him. Try to remember that your friends probably aren’t always as happy as they seem. Marriage is hard work and it’s not nearly as awesome or appealing when you’re no longer on the outside looking in. So tonight, go home and crank your vibrator up as high as it goes and rejoice that you don’t have to fake a headache tonight or bring your man another beer.

I had an insane dream last night. I’m already known in my family for having strange dreams. No scratch that… fucking outrageously weird dreams. The one last night was both uncomfortable and just plain sick.

I was on a couch watching something on TV with the guy I had my first crush on. We’ll call him Tony. So Tony and I are snuggled on the couch and we starting kissing. Things started to get rather hot and heavy when he tells me that we should wait a while longer before we decide to have sex. Then come to find out, he only meant for us to wait until a commercial came on.

He pulls off my pants and he’s down in my underwear with his hand when my mother comes in. Now, this of course would be completely awkward and startling no matter how old you are and even if it’s perfectly acceptable for you to be having sex. For some reason, we didn’t skip a beat. My mom sat down talking to us like we weren’t totally in the middle of having sex. We had a full blown conversation.

My dreams are friggin weird. My advice? Skip the shot of tequila before bedtime [or drink a hell of a lot more of it so you don't remember shit like this].

Dear Sabby,

I have known this guy for pretty much my whole life like since primary school. I’m 19 now. We’ve never been close just more like acquaintances but I’ve always been attracted to him. Well recently we hooked up at a party and ended up having sex. Now he won’t speak to me. What gives?

Ashley – Texas

First off… boys suck. That’s usually reason number one. But let’s face the facts here. You thought he was “like a total hottie” so you slept with him thinking you’d wake up like you are in some cheesy chick flick to breakfast in bed and the promise of forever. Sorry hun that shit doesn’t happen in real life.

You hooked up at a party and I’m guessing alcohol was involved. One or both of you probably had too much to drink and therefor weren’t thinking clearly. Hell, we already know you weren’t. So chances are, he was either just in it for the ass or he’s feeling guilty because he had sex with you under such poor circumstances.

You weren’t buddy-buddy to begin with so I don’t know why you’d expect conversation out of him at all – much less after having sex with him. My advice? Get checked for crabs and move on with your life.